The stair gate

Ever tried to fit a stair gate assisted by a one year old? Don't.

On colouring books

Regardless of how many pages have been used, colouring books have a lifecycle of three months. After this point, no carrot on this earth will get another penstroke in them. Or, for that matter, any stick.

Traffic jamming

Just spent an hour sitting on the A11 while Thing 1 looped La Cucharache on the Bontempi. It's Hallowe'en and I've been to hell.

Parent of two under fives

My day: a 24-hour snapshot.

Translating babies

What you say:
I'm just going to fetch your sippy-cup

What they hear:
You have 15 seconds to shriek your freakin nuts off ... GO!